Hmmm…nah: Twilight Eclipse trailer

Ok ok; I read the first book (in like 7 minutes), and it was alright, but nothing happened until the end, and until then the only emotion I felt was that of growing a womb.

Ok ok, I watched both films; the first was exactly the same as the book, and the second produced audible groans and stifled laughter that, in a cinema full of oestrogeny teens, is not the cleverest way of escaping a mass bitch-slapping fest with balls intact. Still, fond memories…

However, I am reliably informed that its now, with the third book/film, that shit starts to get good.
Whilst I’m happy to accept that, the trailer makes this film look bloody awful. If you can spot any emotion other than “concerned solemnity” then I’ll hand the fucking Oscar over myself.

Ok ok, so maybe I’m just jealous of the unrelenting universal female attraction to these utterly implausible characters (and I’m not talking about the vampirey werewolfness); but thats why I’m already halfway through combining the rustic buffness of wolfboy Jacob, and the elegant tomfoolery of Edward, in the hope to amass an infinite hareem of underage girls just to give R-Patz a fucking day off. And that, ladies, is the real chivalry you’re all after. Am I right? Am I right?!

Woah woah woah. Vampires, sure. But seriously, tumbleweed? Inside?

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